tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-100928672024-03-20T02:57:28.941-07:00The WandererAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.comBlogger133125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-51427150096162164192013-02-10T21:48:00.001-08:002013-02-10T21:48:44.448-08:00the honeymoon is overIt's been a year and 3 mo. living in the desert and I have to say that the magic is more elusive and the loneliness of the landscape more tangible. The lack of leaves on the adolescent trees make it seem more barren and inhospitable. The desert seems more and more stark to me these days. The line between sky and earth is too well-defined, too much of a contrast with no trees or other greenery to soften the transition. I haven't been feeling embraced by the landscape but more abandoned. And the quiet that I've gushed about in the past is now a torment, a reminder of how far out in the middle of nowhere I am. I am even having trouble enjoying the clear and dark night skies and the moonshine on the desert floor. Its just too much openness - sky and creosote flats, blue and light brown for miles.<br />
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It must be that the honeymoon is over. A change is brewing. Something is needed to bring the connection to spirit back into my life. What the change will be is uncertain. What is certain is that the desert is strong medicine. And too much of any strong medicine can be hard to swallow.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-91852703162259164402012-12-05T11:51:00.001-08:002012-12-05T13:49:39.300-08:00psychology of protectionAs I was driving home from a public meeting, I was listening to Ira Glass's radio show, "This American Life" and I was struck by something he said in relation to the enormous effort and energy he puts into his dog's life. This is what he said:<br />
<br />
Its a hard thing to spend so much energy trying to protect a helpless creature, a helpless person or anything that is helpless in this world...<br />
Its a hard thing to turn that off<br />
Once you've been protecting it, your mind is used to protecting it and the thought that you wouldn't protect it just <b>becomes offensive to who you are</b>.<br />
You can't flip off that part of yourself like its a light switch.<br />
<br />
I struggle everyday to understand the strong and sometimes ideological feelings and attitudes my colleagues have towards developing solar energy projects in the desert wilderness. I understand and empathize with wanting to prevent the loss of wilderness and the loss of species habitat. I fully support development of renewable energy sources that do not cause immediate harm to our environment. I want to work with project developers to make them the best projects they can be. However, no matter which way I look at the issue I can't convince myself that these projects aren't a part of the solution to a much bigger and scarier and more destructive problem that looms in a more far-off future. This common understanding that climate change is the biggest threat to ALL life on earth seems to be lacking in my desert conservation colleagues and I struggle to understand why it is so hard for folks to swallow the tradeoffs.<br />
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I think Ira's quote above really gets at the psychology of protecting something and it helps me to better understand where folks are coming from when they adamantly and passionately fight what I see to be a part of the solution to climate change. Some of my peers, neighbors and colleagues have spent their lives and their careers protecting a place they love - the California deserts. And there have been grand successes that should be celebrated. Some of the very best land conservation successes have been in the CA deserts. So I can see how "once you've been protecting it, your mind becomes used to protecting it and the thought that you wouldn't protect it just becomes offensive to who you are." And thus folks who call themselves "conservationists" yet promote renewable energy on the lands that have been defended for so long become offensive to those who have been doing the defending.<br />
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What we need a shift to a broader thinking around protection. And broader ethic that includes future generations living on the planet in 100 years and other life - human and otherwise - around the whole planet, not just the life near and dear to your heart or home.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-5647499952207402222012-11-27T22:42:00.000-08:002012-11-27T22:42:48.370-08:00in need of inspirationSitting here in front of a computer screen desperate for inspiration - what can I do in this life that would truly inspire me? What can I, specifically this incarnation of ME and all my parts, what can I do? I feel dull, numb and uninspired. I want to type into the google search - tell me what to do in this life and have it spit out a bunch of different personalized responses but the computer doesn't have the answers. I must find them on my own.<br />
<br />
So, what makes me come alive?<br />
- being outside in nature<br />
- adventures in foreign countries, adventures in mountains, adventures in the great outdoors<br />
- facilitating experiences for people in nature<br />
- learning and teaching about how nature and LIFE works - biodiversity, adaptation, speciation, ecology, how individual organisms work, everything to do with life.<br />
- non-violent communication<br />
- meditation<br />
- yoga<br />
- climbing<br />
<br />
Must start loving the life i live and living the life i love.<br />
NOW.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-64208889795879989662012-10-10T20:48:00.001-07:002012-10-10T20:48:17.500-07:00season changeFall has arrived. This morning I had a hot cup of tea and I wore a long sleeve shirt all day. In fact, I wore a down vest this morning. The north winds are blowing in the cold while the sun still beats down keeping the weather in a delicate balance. The leaves on the cottonwoods are starting to consider the end of their life. They've done their job for the tree and photosynthesized, helped the tree to grow, but they now are turning downward, toward the earth, ready to serve the tree in a different form, as mulch that covers the ground buffering the roots from the winter chill. The days are getting much shorter and the nights longer and colder.<br />
Having such defined seasonal changes triggers a desire for change in myself and my life. The long summer where everyday was just hot and sunny, same same every day kept me complacent with life. But this punctuated seasonal change stirs in me a certain kind of urge for change. It feels like a small bee in the center of my being that starts buzzing around, waking things up, slightly tickling my heart, reminding it of its true purpose, encouraging it to open up.<br />
<br />
No major changes that I see on the horizon, but I feel the urge for change. And things are coming up - a birthday, a year with the SAME job (first time in my life)... we'll see how things unfold during this time of change.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-81343364503028925382012-10-02T22:00:00.000-07:002012-10-02T22:00:06.896-07:00The balanceI find it interesting how life sometimes seems to operate in secret balance. Events come in pairs. Something exciting paired with something anxiety-inducing. A loss with a gain, a birth with a death, a disappointment with pleasant surprise. Today I was having a pretty uneventful day at work. Unmotivated to sit at a computer and doing almost anything to avoid writing more comment letters. And then, phone rings, cell phone vibrates at the same time. I pick up the office phone and am asked to fill in for someone on a panel. I hang up the phone and look at my phone and a close friend of mine has decided to visit for my birthday. So instead of pure anxiety about public speaking on a panel of "experts" or pure excitement that my friend is coming to visit, I get this strange mix of emotions where I end up somewhere in the middle. The balance.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-10245705482012286942012-09-27T21:56:00.001-07:002012-09-27T21:56:33.241-07:00gardenThe garden is finally functional. What a joy to watch the daily progress from seed to plant to eventual fruit. What a gift the diversity of life is for us.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-33407879146488817352012-09-19T20:16:00.004-07:002012-09-19T20:16:57.534-07:00and the winner is...September!<br />
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I've lived in the desert for a month or so shy of a year now and I have to say, September is my favorite month. It is still bikini weather in the sun, tank top or sun dress in the shade, dry and breezy, but not windy. I'm not constantly sweating but I'm never cold. Cool enough for long sleeve in the evening and a blanket at night. Really enjoying the transition from summer to fall in the desert. What a gift!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-68143432231069789702012-09-18T21:36:00.000-07:002012-09-18T21:39:19.916-07:00you can always start againIts been a month since I last posted. My aim was to post everyday. But I haven't. I've been busy fighting other battles, enjoying life, enjoying friends, loved ones and the natural world. Life's been good. And when it wasn't that was OK too.<br />
<br />
I've heard people say in response to my description of my current home: "Oh, I couldn't live there. I couldn't be that isolated." Or in response to the fact that I grew up in LA, "Oh, I couldn't live in LA - too much traffic, too many egos, too many people." But I've lived in both and the amazing thing is that despite their differences, my life is surprisingly similar whether I am in LA or in the middle of the Mojave desert. I eat the same foods, have about equal social engagement (sometimes more in the desert), do the same work on the same computer, have the same phone meetings. The main difference is that in LA I have more conveniences while in Joshua Tree beauty is the only convenience. I have stars, quiet, sunsets, sunrises, open landscape and miles of views. In LA, I can walk to Whole Foods to feed my cravings and participate in consumer culture. The biggest struggle for me in Joshua Tree is when I am alone at the house and feel so separate from community and so alone. The best thing to do when I feel this way is to accept it. To face it head on. To truly feel how it feels to be alone - in my body, in my heart, in my mind. If I face it, I realize it isn't such a scary demon afterall.<br />
<br />
So I'm back and hope to begin writing again. Reflecting on the day to day, on the moments that pass between now and then. The only way to know where to go next in life is to be fully present in my current reality. Only then can I know what the next step will be.<br />
<br />
XOXO<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-2694910376109640312012-08-16T21:07:00.001-07:002012-08-16T21:07:21.147-07:00desert homecomingNo matter how lonely it becomes out here at the casa de nowhere, i am always filled with joy, peace, gratitude and a flood of other blessings upon return to the desert. the quiet, the breeze through the trees, the pure naturalness, the sunsets, the critters, the calm. It fills me with good feelings towards the world.<br />
<br />
I grilled veggies tonight outside while the sky spinkled me with gently drops of water. It was heavenly. the sun lit up the sky, the moisture in the air combined with the setting sun to form a rainbow, the breeze was cool and soft, filled with cool moisture.<br />
<br />
What more could one ask for, really? A life, breath that comes and goes, beauty that surrounds me without demanding anything in return. delicious food to fill my belly and some wine to relax the mind, heart and soul. Blessed am I.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-60059902633053588622012-08-16T21:02:00.002-07:002012-08-16T21:02:44.992-07:00Long absenceIts been a long absence from my daily reflections. I've been traveling and somewhat depressed which makes it hard to do the things that I know would make me feel better. It is as if a foreign being has inhabited my body and decided to make everything worse than it needs to be.<br />
<br />
But, I have done reflections and other right-brained activities on my travels to New Mexico. Here are some:<br />
<br />
August 7 -<br />
Lonliness is like anything in life. If you avoid it and pretend its not there, it lingers in the shadows and feels worse. But if you sink in and immerse yourself in it, if you face it head on, accepting fully instead of resisting, you find its not the scary monster you thought it was.<br />
<br />
August 8 -<br />
This is a call-out of appreciation for the house finches, the quail, the doves, the flowers, the trees, the bunnies and my black lady the spider in the shower house. As I dwell in such a hot seemingly lifeless place, these living things are my friends. Especially the ones that don't need my help, whether it be in the form of water or food, etc. They remind me that you can live in this place. And they are my companions. I talk to them - they are my friends and I am grateful for them.<br />
Especially the black widow - she is awesome. And I respect her. she is one of those friends that knows her boundaries. She needs to respect my space and I hers. If she encroaches on my space, I respectfully remove her web. If I encroach on hers, she may harm me. But we co-exist well in this place of mutual respect.<br />
<br />
August 10 -<br />
Dolphins, sweet dolphins played all around me as I swam in the warm waters of mother ocean. I don't know if I am just lucky or if the dolphins are always there, but they bless my presence every time I swim in the ocean. Thank you. Gratitude. Such good medicine. The best.<br />
<br />
August 12 -<br />
Tour of Zuni Pueblo, New Mexico. I took this picture as I felt it truly captured the contradictions that exist in this fascinating place. The mesa in the background is D.Y. which stands for a name in Zuni language. It is sacred to the Zuni.<br />
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Then I drew a picture from memory on the airplane:</div>
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August 13 -</div>
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A couple of Dekaaz regarding my experience in Zuni:</div>
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dirt brown</div>
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houses stand</div>
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witness to the world</div>
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red cliff</div>
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brown houses</div>
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big cheeked girl smiles</div>
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embrace </div>
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the way things</div>
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are. love is all around.</div>
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eat. sleep. </div>
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read, write. talk.</div>
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laugh. hug. snuggle. LOVE</div>
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yoga </div>
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in the morn</div>
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IN-HAB-IT body. </div>
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August 15 - </div>
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It is unbearable my longing sometimes. </div>
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It is so intense that I feel uncomfortable in my skin. </div>
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I feel like screaming and tearing my skin off.</div>
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feel like hiking into the mountains to find him and drag him back down to the desert to be with me. </div>
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It hurts. this longing. </div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-14663242462213835082012-08-05T20:50:00.001-07:002012-08-05T20:50:51.152-07:00body brain connectionIts amazing how easily I forget that working out physically and aerobically allows me more clarity of mind. I have to re-learn this lesson almost every time I exercise. This evening I was feeling lonely and a bit sorry for myself. Isolated out here in the middle of the creosote flats of the Mojave desert. But I hopped on my bike anyway and went for a ride. As my body worked, my mind cleared. And I suddenly saw pathways forward from places I was previously stuck. I've been simultaneously working on four personal projects while also trying to work a full time job, eat, exercise, socialize, etc. Its making me a bit crazy because they are all sort of challenging projects that I am doing on my own. The next step to take isn't always clear. And there are decisions to be made. the projects are:<br />
1) Garden & growing food for the fall - this involves all sorts of unconventional construction in order to make it critter-free, protected from wind, sun and birds.<br />
2) Planning a 10-day Costa Rica vacation - Ethan's first time to CR! This is fun but stressful because we have so little time!<br />
3) JTBC - the bicycle coalition - all sorts of fall activities to plan and organize. Trying to figure out how to get this thing off the ground!<br />
4) Women's retreat in the fall - how to structure it and plan it<br />
<br />
And then there is the ever looming ... what do I do next for a job? How do I live the life I want to live and still make enough money to feel secure?<br />
<br />
But getting back to the subject of this post... exercise allows my brain to function better. The sticky places get smoothed out and the heavy issues seem lighter. Things seem less overwhelming and more possible with exercise. And yet I always forget. Thinking things are just fine and forgetting how much BETTER they could be.<br />
<br />
So... in honor of exercise, I am going to bed early so I can get up and go for a run!<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-34051400420892569112012-07-31T18:35:00.003-07:002012-07-31T18:35:56.004-07:00Desert rainsSun is peaking through after an afternoon shower. So lovely to live in such peace and beauty and be so connected to the natural world. The only way working at a computer could ever be possible for me. I can take in the view, watch the birds wash themselves, take breaks to garden and observe life around me. The desert is a magical, spectacular place and I love it. Blessings to all the living things that bring a smile to my face everyday.<br />
I pray we can find a way to live at peace and in harmony with the natural rhythm of things. If we push too much, it may go away and we'll realize how much we miss what we thought we'd always have.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-46523597236123017272012-07-30T20:26:00.000-07:002012-07-30T20:26:02.364-07:00snake visitorA beautiful young snake came into my office today for a visit. She rattled her way in, wagging her small rattler the whole time. She slid right into the corner and stayed there. I ran out in a flash, slipped on the rug on my way out and shook out my nerves outside. It took me a while to get comfortable going back in. In fact, I crawled through my window onto the bed and slowly tip toed my way back toward her in the corner. I thought about trying to get her out myself but was too nervous having never handled snakes before. So I went to get my neighbor, Bernie, and he got a long pole and helped me get her out of my room. She was gorgeous. A southern pacific juvenile. What an exciting break to my day of working on the computer. <br />
<br />
I've been thinking about the meaning of her visit in my office today. The first thing that came to mind was to always remember to PAY ATTENTION. The same lesson that I received last week this time. Pay attention to what is happening around me. Don't assume everything is under control. Don't assume that I am safe just because I have a pretense of being safe. Just keep your eyes opening and realize that even when you think you are one track, there are ALWAYS things around you that are affecting your reality. It is all connected and in no way is any one of us safe in our bubble.<br />
<br />
The other meaning of the snake visit - Ethan. I've been thinking a lot about him and he is a snake man. I think he wandered into my office in the form of a snake just to break up my day and make things more interesting for me. Just to check up on me and see how things were going along at the casa de nowhere.<br />
<br />
So, as you've noticed, daily reflections have turned into more weekly or bi-weekly reflections. Going to try to be more diligent. Even if its just a picture or a poem or a Dekkaz.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-11255790042617562882012-07-26T22:51:00.001-07:002012-07-26T22:54:33.325-07:00how did the world end up this waysometimes the concern for the world runs deep. the greed and the lack of awareness concerns me a whole awful lot. the lack of concern most people have for the rest of the world concerns me. the overwhelming feeling that i am not doing enough. that i need to be doing MORE to shift us to a new consciousness. even the little steps feel like too much. and so it goes...<br />
<br />
today i am feeling sensitive. i am feeling the pain we cause in the world. i am concerned about how we are affecting natural systems upon which we depend. i am concerned that we are not looking the problems in the eye. i am scared for our future and i don't know how to live or what to do. i don't want to be a part of the mess but i am. how do i be a part of the solution?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-41330267309194826012012-07-26T00:39:00.002-07:002012-07-26T00:39:56.613-07:00my voicei didn't take the opportunities given to me to step into my power and speak my voice. it was my opportunity to step up and be recognized and be the solution-driven person i want to be in the world and i let it pass. sad and frustrated with myself.<br />
<br />
So here is my voice:<br />
<br />
Close your eyes and picture the desert. Most of you have been to the desert. I invite you to smell the creosote after a rain, watch a sunset light up the sky and bring out new colors in the brown landscape, picture the plants and animals that have so laboriously evolved to live in a harsh climate with wind, sun, extreme heat and cold. The CA deserts are a magical place and filled with life and wild places that truly deserves to be saved. It is a place where many people come to recreate, where people seek solitude and dark night skies, where people fight to preserve what they love and care about, and where we have an opportunity, through this plan, to provide lasting protections for wild desert places that would be a dis-service to rob from the generations of all life forms yet to come.<br />
<br />
Land is the one thing we can't make more of. We've tried to re-create living systems and to be honest we aren't that good at it. We've failed time and time again to re-create systems that have evolved over thousands and millions of years. We can't re-make species either. Once they're gone, they're gone. There are so many species declining in this area that this plan could influence the fate of. We could make things better for them or worse. So there is a lot at stake and there is a lot that could be lost. But let's remember that while we can ALWAYS make more solar power plants and wind farms, we can NEVER make more land, create new species, replace lost species or re-design natural systems. These are gifts for which we should show gratitude by providing protections.<br />
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The unfortunate truth is that there are wild places, species, natural systems at risk and in decline all over the world. We see examples everyday of how natural systems are breaking down mysteriously, unexpectedly and without a clear and direct cause. Bats are dying of disease, bees are declining, migration patterns are shifting. The one thing we know is that these natural systems are being affected by the human systems being imposed on them that change, alter, affect feedbacks and functioning. The CA deserts are not alone in feeling the effects of human disturbance.<br />
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Human-induced climate change is one of the major ways we are affecting species and natural systems. While I believe we have already passed the point of being able to stop drastic climate changes from happening, the feedback loops have already started and the climate is already changing and altering the functioning of natural systems. That is not to say that we shouldn't do something about it. We should move away from energy sources that emit greenhouse gases, we should cut down on our energy use, we should conserve as much as possible and we should each individually do our part to reduce our carbon footprint. <br />
<br />
And at this juncture is where this monumental plan comes into play. The desert has renewable energy resources that can be captured and used to replace fossil fuels. We also owe it to ourselves to protect things that we cannot replace. While these things may seem at odds with each other, I wouldn't be here if I didn't think it was possible. It is possible to achieve protections for irreplaceable resources and utilize renewable energy sources.<br />
<br />
But this is not something that we can rush into. We must know what we are giving up and have clear justifications for why we are giving them up. And we need time to make a good decision. This plan is forward-thinking, it is proactive, it is solutions-oriented and collaborative and it is a valiant effort on the part of everyone involved. However, it will be seriously undermined if it is rushed. Significant knowledge and data has been gained throughout the process that is not yet informing the alternatives we discussed today - input from the science advisers panel, input from species experts, input from counties, input from tribes, input from local citizens, input from on-going studies. It would be a shame not to incorporate these efforts into the development of alternatives or at least outline a clear process for how this information (and new information) will be incorporated throughout the process.<br />
<br />
So my main request is to slow down and not let politics rush us into decisions we may regret. The changes and developments we are talking about in the desert are lasting and a loss for all of us, even those of us who are unaware of the benefits they receive from the desert lands. It is not a loss we should consciously agree to without serious consideration of alternatives and clear justifications of benefits, including honesty and transparency about the distribution of benefits both geographically and in terms of who receives them.<br />
<br />
So, we are track, we are doing just fine. But we need to slow down and we need more time to make sure we have our ducks lined up, to make sure the agencies have time to put forth quality material informed by the information resulting from signficant resource investment. We need to make sure we are considering concerns of the local communities and residents in the area, we need to make sure we are truly doing the best that we can do. And we need to remember that the decisions we make in this plan will have lasting consequences. We don't want to fall into the trap of moving from one herky-jerky process to another. Let's do this thing right. We, as stakeholders, are on your side. But we may need time to work out differences and come to consensus. So please, don't rush this process - allow it the time it needs to craft a careful approach that will adequately address concerns, thoughtfully incorporate available information, and intelligently craft alternatives that can be compared honestly and transparently.<br />
<br />
Thank you.<br />
<br />
This is my voice. This is what I wanted to say today to the Deputy Secretary of the Interior. But I didn't.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-88809225803993521182012-07-23T14:51:00.002-07:002012-07-23T14:52:08.735-07:00Pay attentionSomething happened today that made me stop in my tracks and listen to the small voice saying, "pay close attention to the events happening right now." I got a phone call out of the blue from someone I ad met once at a coffee shop for 30 minutes. It was after a women's leadership retreat. And instead of feeling empowered, I was feeling bogged down with my own limited sense of what was possible for me.<br />
But I guess I made a good impression. Because the person I met called today to tell me about the formation of a new non-profit that is being formed to pull together three conservation areas in CA. It wasn't clear if he was interested in me or someone like me but mentioned a few things that made me stop again. The first was: 1) visionary - they want to do something proactive and visionary; 2) substantial position that could turn into an ED position; 3) big picture view - they want someone who has a big picture view of the events happening in the nation and the world.<br />
When something like this happens, I tend to not think about the details (what work would i be doing? what would my salary be? what benefits would I receive?) but instead my instinct is to go into blind. Those three things alone is enough for me to "throw out the thoughts" and jump into a new adventure.<br />
So, what is my hesitation? Well, I am observing my reaction right now. I feel flattered that he called me. It feel good to be recognized. (those alone are not enough to leave one job and go to another). I didn't want to leave my job yet.<br />
I really want to go with the flow and follow my heart. I want to dance with life, not struggle with it. And so I'd like to wait a bit and think about if expressing interest in the opportunity would create an uncoordinated dance with lots of foot stepping and missed steps or if it would lead to greater grace.<br />
But this reflection today is about remembering to PAY ATTENTION. Events do not unfold without meaning. pay close attention and I will dance with grace.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-31594057140334969772012-07-23T14:31:00.000-07:002012-07-23T14:52:00.814-07:00Re-resolutioning: looking through the world with quiet eyes.July 21, 2012<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am on a plane right now, heading to Idaho. I’ve been on
the road since Monday night. It is Saturday. I’ve been trying to squeeze in
travel, time with Ethan and friends, and work. One thing that has fallen off is
my resolution for daily reflections. I haven’t done one since Monday. And I’ve
noticed the difference. When I take the time to look at the world, really LOOK
at the world, my perception of how things are changes. I am less able to draw
firm conclusions about things and my reactions are less fixed. This is the why
the “daily reflection” is so important to me. And like I wrote when I first
made this resolution, it can take any form – meditation, writing a poem, taking
time for deep observation of nature, deeply seeing the interconnectedness of a
painful situation, drawing, taking time for true playfulness, etc. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During the last 5 days, events have happened and I haven’t
been seeing them fully. Painful things have happened, joyful things; personal
things and global events; tragic killings and belly laughs. All happening
simultaneously around the world. All of the events that fill up a day hold such
deep meaning and learning and they pass by almost unnoticed because I am
floating along on the surface, seeing everything as isolated, separate events
and entities but when I dig deeper and cultivate a more intentional perception
(through the daily reflections), I see that no one and no thing stands apart. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is an excerpt from a most excellent book called “Faith”
by Sharon Salzberg:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“In order to know the truth of interconnectedness, we need
to look at the world with what theologian Howard Thurman calls “quiet eyes.” It
might be through silent meditation that we see the hidden patterns of
connection that make up our inner life. It might be through pausing long enough
to realize where a plate of spaghetti comes from. However we do it, softly
receiving reality with quiet eyes rather than pinpointing objects and events as
separate and distinct opens up our view instead of enclosing it with
pre-determined boundaries. We take in what is appearing before reactions and
conclusions get fixed. When we relax into this mode of perception, a different
perspective on reality becomes available to us.” (p 131)</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-84296685223197757252012-07-16T14:42:00.002-07:002012-07-16T15:41:47.227-07:00rain, wedding,desertdunking, transition (7/13 - 7/16)7/13/12 - RAIN!<br />
Thunderstorms and rain poured down early Friday morning. POURED. The desert let out a deep sigh. Here is a shot from the car as we drove up to wrightwood:<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
7/14/12 - LOVE!<br />
A beautiful celebration of love. My right-brained activities included dancing, drawing a picture for the wedding couple and getting creative with costumes.<br />
<br />
A note on costumes: what a beautiful thing to see all the costumes you've acquired over the years being circulated around to grandparents and grandchildren, lovers and friends, parents and children. Costumes allow people to let down their guard and let loose a bit more. This was a beautiful, subtle way for Ethan and I to contribute to Laura & Isak's wedding.<br />
<br />
7/15/12 - DESERT DUNKING!<br />
<br />
Yes, its true. there is water in the desert in July. And it is delightful to hear water dripping and flowing through curved granite. What a treat! What a precious gift. What a sacred presence in the hot desert in July. As the sky erupted into a gorgeous display of colors at sunset, the frogs began their coordinated song. As if there were a hidden composer, they contributed different tones and frequencies in a symphony of exaltation for the divine desert waters. What blessed beings we are to have the opportunity to witness this display.<br />
And yes, we did dunk in a hidden pool at the base of a trickling waterfall, hidden behind walls of shapely, smooth granite. DIVINE.<br />
<br />
7/16/12 - TRANSITION!<br />
<br />
Saying goodbye to the desert for 2 weeks. Packing up belongings and cleaning up shop. Goodbye to the casa for a bit. Feeling a bit ungrounded in this transition. Trying to think of everything I need to bring and those things I can do without. Embracing the opportunity I have to travel and visit friends. Hoping that I will be able to take care of my work responsibilities as well. Au revoir desert!<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-63650346588670400862012-07-12T20:40:00.001-07:002012-07-12T20:40:49.828-07:00singin' the bluesSang the "defenders blues" - Meaning the defenders of wildlife blues, meaning i had a bad day at work and i was feeling blue. thus the defenders blues....<br />
<br />
today was rough. mind/ego was challenged by the work i have to do for my job. mind/ego things it is "below" me.<br />
<br />
how to find the balance between stepping into my power fully while not being a slave of the ego? still figuring that one out.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-57828054101418471582012-07-11T12:03:00.002-07:002012-07-11T12:03:29.021-07:00mountain bliss to desert heattransitioned from sierra nevada mountain, river, lake bliss to the stifling heat of the desert. transition has been hard. i miss the mountains and yearn for the granite, the clear skies the cool evenings and the cold rivers and lakes. but the desert has its own gifts. here are my updates from the past couple of days:<br />
<br />
7/8/12:<br />
biking<br />
through big trees<br />
in and out of the light<br />
<br />
beautiful bike ride through the park, gorgeous turns, gentle grades, an excellent workout surrounded by the beauty of Momma E. So grateful for my one-on-one time with me and Momma E.<br />
<br />
We arrive in the desert around 8pm and it is still 100 F. Mattress comes outside under a cottonwood for naked sleeping with only a sheet of stars and a half moon to cover us. <br />
<br />
7/9/12:<br />
back at work. heavy heat. heavy heart. think, soupy mind where clarity is difficult. resistant to my reality. desiring memories from the past that produce enticing images, torturing me in my present.<br />
<br />
feel sucked of all desire to do anything. my mind resisting and rebelling against my reality and desiring something else... what? not clear. mind wants anything but this, anywhere but here. i find peace at night under the stars. my soul is fine. my mind resists.<br />
<br />
7/10/12:<br />
blessed with a pink sky at sunset, the clouds make the colors complex and jaw-dropping.<br />
<br />
worked until 7pm and it was still over 100 F so this is how we dealt with the heat:<br />
- cold shower with all the clothes on<br />
- air dry outside while hula-hooping<br />
- wet clothes bike ride at sunset<br />
- cold shower #2 with all clothes at 8pm (still 100 F)<br />
- dinner in wet clothes<br />
- cold shower #3 with clothes on at 9:30 (in the high 90s)<br />
- hang out in swamp cooler until 11pm watching blue planet and dreaming of cool water<br />
- sleep outside, naked with a sheet of stars above.<br />
<br />
7/11/12:<br />
yoga, sweet yoga. stretched my body out this morning with Patricia. Ethan came. <br />
<br />
Yoga<br />
Sweet Yoga<br />
Love body, mind, soul.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-32740676969631438262012-07-07T21:17:00.001-07:002012-07-07T21:17:40.194-07:00lake swimmingi turned into an alpine lake mermaid today. Here is the picture from my memory of the couple of hours spent at the heather lake in sequoia national park.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwk6JiWFwz37Uh04nvBhE5ENJlyT68UCn2VsQ_3GZrmjSOBHNBNimR2aTZTjFlvNGnzA3T4-IngI5bflxHlS4v0cbmdSxdc8lx3PrQwSIwkeDBT5_7aOz4znK0pAjcIN8jdmFp/s1600/2012-07-07+21.06.46.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwk6JiWFwz37Uh04nvBhE5ENJlyT68UCn2VsQ_3GZrmjSOBHNBNimR2aTZTjFlvNGnzA3T4-IngI5bflxHlS4v0cbmdSxdc8lx3PrQwSIwkeDBT5_7aOz4znK0pAjcIN8jdmFp/s1600/2012-07-07+21.06.46.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-85919231852895301172012-07-06T21:47:00.000-07:002012-07-06T21:47:09.929-07:00las secoyas grandesHere is my right-brained activity for today:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgofcoQ_wosXoTTfqxG_jeuH1xssUNrCSavmBovTIU3XE7WN4wp89Upt_n8oIyPVujPWrqsP-oSeahQFU4e0b8uxCAdPXt8QwxSB1jtBmVwmLyxoB20aNnTWDVOOEo3fgK2K5GQ/s1600/secoya.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgofcoQ_wosXoTTfqxG_jeuH1xssUNrCSavmBovTIU3XE7WN4wp89Upt_n8oIyPVujPWrqsP-oSeahQFU4e0b8uxCAdPXt8QwxSB1jtBmVwmLyxoB20aNnTWDVOOEo3fgK2K5GQ/s320/secoya.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-15178731554909867502012-07-05T07:25:00.001-07:002012-07-05T07:25:32.196-07:00in the treesthrough the desert, through central valley and up to the sierras! we are amongst the giants here. and surrounded by people here to appreciate the natural world and the beauty it offers.<br />
<br />
an early morning bike ride this morning has me feeling warm from the inside out. skin cold, blood pumping warm. body awake and alive.<br />
<br />
giants<br />
of the woods<br />
part of me and you<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-89208871657474388922012-07-04T07:18:00.000-07:002012-07-04T07:18:03.869-07:00RainI breath a sigh of relief when I hear the gentle pitter patter. July 4 - the only celebration I could wish for. I thank the great mother for her sacred waters that the desert so desperately needs. Not a drop will be taken for granted. Not a drop wasted. Deep deep gratitude for the healing, life-giving waters.<br />
<br />
The desert breathes again. You can smell its breath tinged with creosote. It relaxes into a deep peaceful sleep as the drops caress its parched surface.<br />
<br />
Thank you!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10092867.post-83114497533224446442012-07-04T07:14:00.001-07:002012-07-04T07:19:20.454-07:00Full Moon Ride(7/3/12)<br />
<br />
Full Moon<br />
Rising Up<br />
Through a veal of clouds<br />
<br />
Moontime in the desert is magical. No words to describe the surreal beauty of the Joshua Tree forest and the towers of rocks. Love.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10086284129828715406noreply@blogger.com0