Long absence

Its been a long absence from my daily reflections. I've been traveling and somewhat depressed which makes it hard to do the things that I know would make me feel better. It is as if a foreign being has inhabited my body and decided to make everything worse than it needs to be.

But, I have done reflections and other right-brained activities on my travels to New Mexico. Here are some:

August 7 -
Lonliness is like anything in life. If you avoid it and pretend its not there, it lingers in the shadows and feels worse. But if you sink in and immerse yourself in it, if you face it head on, accepting fully instead of resisting, you find its not the scary monster you thought it was.

August 8 -
This is a call-out of appreciation for the house finches, the quail, the doves, the flowers, the trees, the bunnies and my black lady the spider in the shower house. As I dwell in such a hot seemingly lifeless place, these living things are my friends. Especially the ones that don't need my help, whether it be in the form of water or food, etc. They remind me that you can live in this place. And they are my companions. I talk to them - they are my friends and I am grateful for them.
Especially the black widow - she is awesome. And I respect her. she is one of those friends that knows her boundaries. She needs to respect my space and I hers. If she encroaches on my space, I respectfully remove her web. If I encroach on hers, she may harm me. But we co-exist well in this place of mutual respect.

August 10 -
Dolphins, sweet dolphins played all around me as I swam in the warm waters of mother ocean. I don't know if I am just lucky or if the dolphins are always there, but they bless my presence every time I swim in the ocean. Thank you. Gratitude. Such good medicine. The best.

August 12 -
Tour of  Zuni Pueblo, New Mexico. I took this picture as I felt it truly captured the contradictions that exist in this fascinating place. The mesa in the background is D.Y. which stands for a name in Zuni language. It is sacred to the Zuni.

Then I drew a picture from memory on the airplane:

August 13 -

A couple of Dekaaz regarding my experience in Zuni:

dirt brown

houses stand

witness to the world

red cliff

brown houses

big cheeked girl smiles

embrace 

the way things

are. love is all around.

eat. sleep. 

read, write. talk.

laugh. hug. snuggle. LOVE

yoga 

in the morn

IN-HAB-IT body. 

August 15 - 

It is unbearable my longing sometimes. 

It is so intense that I feel uncomfortable in my skin. 

I feel like screaming and tearing my skin off.

feel like hiking into the mountains to find him and drag him back down to the desert to be with me. 

It hurts. this longing.